Hello 242!! I thought long and hard about this post and its subject matter.
Actually this took me about a couple of months to sit down and gather my thoughts on how to go about writing it, IF I should write it and what would be the outcome. The reason for this being is I have known a couple of persons who have had experiences with paternity and it is a touchy subject for most. I am also dating a man who has had to deal with and address this issue, so some may say that I am more likely bias or unable to see "the bigger picture". Regardless this is my opinion and my true feelings about this subject ... whether I am seeing the person, whether it is my family member or even just a friend what I'm about to say is how I truly feel and I make no apologies about it.
In my humble view we are a nation full of sex, secrets and special interests walking around the streets of The Bahamas. We have people who don't know who they are or where they've come from and I think that is a very sad situation. The "Daddy Ain't Your Daddy But Your Daddy Don't Know" Syndrome really needs to stop. I feel it's needed that a DNA test be done before signatures on birth certificates unless the status is already known and an agreement made by both parties happen to avoid any heartaches further down the road. I wish to stress here that there is a DIFFERENCE between a male KNOWING he IS NOT the father of the child and making the choice to stay and him being MADE TO BELIEVE that he IS the father of the child. I believe that it is a persons right to be given a choice in matters that will affect them for the rest of their lives. I am not even speaking to the point about absentee fathers who KNOW they are the father because that is a whole other topic in itself. THIS post is about the need for accountability of our women and their wombs and offspring.
This Maury Povich lifestyle we've lived over the generations is not healthy or conducive to a productive society. To the women ... if you know you have been with more than 1 partner around the same time of conception you're needing to be straight up and be truthful. I say this for many reasons that I won't go into right now. Not only is it the right thing to do but it could be harmful to the child's mental and or physical health later on down. Also, as a mother myself of a child that had been diagnosed of a genetic disease at the time of birth, it left ME thinking about my family's medical history and his father's family medical history. Now, even though my son and his father share the same DNA his father does not have what he was born with and it can skip generations.
I am especially now and have been in the past an advocate for Paternity Testing. To knowingly have a man take responsibility for a child that is not his not only presents legal issues but emotional ones as well for both father and child. Some may argue sensitive nature when it comes to naming the father of the child such as he's married ... I look at it ... "If you wasn't there ya name wouldn't get called" ... poor choices and decisions makes life so much harder than needed. Barring it being a molestation or rape type of thing I still feel it is the right of the child and father to know the real deal but here again THIS post is speaking to the accountability of our women and the choices they make with their wombs and offspring.
I have experienced the syndrome which seems to be hitting our men out there of "taking care of someone else kids and not your own" and let me tell you THAT is not a nice feeling at all especially when they are unknowingly being misled to thinking the other child is theirs. Again ... NOT a nice feeling ... but you live and you learn what's done in the dark eventually comes to the light. That whole experience has left devastation in all parties lives and that has had numerous effects which is still being felt today. This for us has had legal and emotional ramifications that are still being sorted out. In this instance the alleged father has been emotionally affected since finding out he was in fact not the father as he had bonded with the child and also I am sure the child is affected as well not knowing what happened to this man he knew as his daddy. Two households and two families were affected with this news. Again I am not speaking to the point of off the cuff circumstances ... rather I am speaking to the fact when women have multiple partners around the same time and still do not be upfront with the men who could be the possible fathers.
As ADULTS we need to understand and make better decisions especially when it relates to our children.
As women (and yes men) we need to be more responsible because in the end it's "Momma's Baby Poppa's Maybe" and the choices we make today can affect many generations of tomorrow. It is best to know from the start and give all an even slate on decision making. Uggh, there is SO MUCH MORE I could say but I won't especially without the permission of the persons that I know. Hopefully at a later date I can do a 2nd post and allow them to share their feelings about their experiences. I am also hoping to get feedback from the DNA Testing sites about reactions.
All I will say is if there is ANY doubt of paternity You, Your Child and the Alleged Father deserve to know the truth.
*** PS *** Men - Never let people tell you it's too late because you signed on the Birth Certificate.
You have rights as well and you should seek legal advice when it comes to these matters. *****
A Few Places That Offer DNA Paternity Testing Services In The 242
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